Love Can't be Proven: Battle with Postpartum Depession

Having a baby is hard. Now add that to an unmarried relationship with postpartum depression. Girls have told me even in their married, stable relationship that they fought all the time and had issues.

I have postpartum depression and am not ashamed of it. I have reached out for help because my thoughts scare me and I don't want to think them. Sadly postpardum is the most misunderstood thing ever, it seems. It has made me say awful things I wish I could take back. Yes I am taking meds for it but it is not going to help all the impulse thoughts that pop into my head. It's kinda like being in a dark room and you can't find the light switch. And while you are freaking out, this little voice in the dark is saying things like" don't you wish you could just give her up for adoption". And then I start thinking that and how yes it would be easier and then I tell people, like Tarzan, I want to give her up. Then we fight and then I calm down and am so sorry and want her.

But now because I reached out and tried telling people about my feelings my baby is gone, my boyfriend gone, my little family gone. I was called a bad mom. Tarzan doesn't even believe I love Evie. Love can not be proven and shouldn't have to be between a mother and baby. I love my baby that's why I reached out for help. But if anything Tarzan has proven to me that when times got hard he ran instead of standing by me. I am lost and alone. But I will fight to get Evie back.I am jumping though the DFS hoops by going to therapy and doing what ever they want me to do.

I hope that anyone out there with this can get help but I can tell you it isn't easy and be careful who you tell because people do not understand it.Tell someone you trust and get a support group. You are not alone.