Saturday is Here !

 Dear Evie,
I get to see you today and am so excited! I found you a cool stroller and got you some baby food to try. I hope it warms up enough today to take a walk.
I have missed you alot, even though I got to see you 3 times last week. I know you miss me too. You are always so happy when I arrive and your eyes always linger on me for the first 1/2 of our visits.I hope you know that I am always here for you and am not going anywhere no matter what anyone does or says.See you at 3!
Mommy

Monday

This visit was one of the best visits ever. Me and Evie had a blast! When I got there she was just waking up and I got to feed her. After that we worked on more crawling, she is working on learning physics.She keeps scooting herself backwards off her quilt .She can now flip herself over from her belly on to her back. She always has a shocked look on her face like she can't believe she just did that.

 

She is such a happy baby.We bounced and rocked and sang and bounced some more until she fell asleep. And then we slept for a really long time.I miss napping with her because she is so cute when she sleeps.When she woke up she was all smiles and started cooing at me.
 See ya next Saturday Evie!

Saturday Visit

Yay it's Saturday and I got to see little Evie. I even got to go over early to see her. She is working on her crawling. She lifts and moves one arm and then rocks back and forth. It's really cute. Soon she'll be crawling in no time.She also flips herself over and just stares at the ceiling.

We bounced and played on the floor and rocked and napped today. She is getting very vocal with her baby language. She babbles a lot on the floor and tells me all kinds of stories. She also enjoys chewing on all her toys.

I am very much looking to see her again on Monday since I am off that day too. See ya soon Evie :)

You are my sunshine

Dear Evie,
It's only Thursday and I miss you so much. I can't wait for Saturday.I think about you all the time and wonder what you are up to. Have you been working on your crawling? I bet you are moving your little arms alot better now and will be crawling in no time.You are soon gonna be a handful but you're so cute so we can't get mad at you for getting into things. 

I want you to know that I love you very much. It has been very hard to be apart from you and I miss you madly.But you are my sunshine , little Evie. You are what gets me through the day and no matter what you will always be my daughter and I will always be your Mommy.

Mommy

Letters to Evie

So back in October I started this blog because I thought maybe new parents might come across it and be like boy we are going through the same ups and downs and we don't know anything about babies. But hey at least we aren't alone. 
Now the focus has shifted to I don't know what, just trying to stay strong for Evie, I guess. I know that many other parents have gone through this pain of having their child ripped away. And from what I hear it happens a lot.One of my friends at the spa told me about how her brother had to fight for years just to see his girl. Come to find out now that the kid is older she wants nothing to do with her own mom because her mom used her as a pawn. So I guess through my ups and downs I can give hope to those people. Hope that hey I am still here and alive. An know matter what I am still Evie's mom.

So now I am going to start letters to Evie. And someday when she asks questions I will show her how much I care and love her.I hope that these letters can inspire other parents out there and perhaps, through fate, someone who needs some hope will find this blog.

Dear Evie,
This morning I didn't want to wake up. I stayed up all last night watching shows and snuggled on the couch without you. This is when I miss you the most. Do you remember when you were so tiny and we used to snuggle on the couch and fall asleep together? Your little baby snores were so cute! I just saw you at the mall yesterday and I already miss you. I can't wait to see you again and play with your new rocking horse. You love chewing on that horse, lol. You are one very lucky girl to have such a nice grandma to buy you stuff and take you shopping. She loves you very much and takes great care of you. And I know your little bathing suit will look great on you.I hope you and your dad have a great day.
Mommy

Missing Evie

Today was my first day back at work. It was a very slow day but I had a good friend to hang out with all day. That helped a lot. Today was also my first day of therapy and it went well. But it is only Monday and I want it to be Saturday so I can see Evie. I miss her so much. I can not even describe the pain of missing her. It's not like I can text her or call. She is only 5 months old and seeing her only on Saturdays means she is going to grow up so fast before my eyes. I hate this, I hate the people that did this to me and if there was a hell even that would not be enough to wish upon them! I know this sounds mean but who in their right mind takes a baby away from its mom? This whole event did not just happen. It was coldly thought out. But then again why am I not surprised.

Almost Saturday

It is almost Saturday! I can't wait to see little Evie. She is growing up so fast. Now she is blowing bubbles and making new noises.All this week I have been planing what I am going to do with her on our play date.I have new books to read to her and I bought her a cute blue teddy bear at the flea market yesterday, she's gonna love it. I just saw her Monday so starting this Saturday I don't know how I am going to make it a whole week without seeing her. But some how I will make it through.

See you soon Evie!

Stronger

So life with Evie is going slightly better. I get to see her every Saturday from 3-5. I miss her so much every day. It must be hard you think to be away from the one thing you love so much And yes it is very hard for me. I don't know how I do it. But I do and I am still here alive and well. Even with all the pain and betrail I am still here! I feel like with this much pain I should have died.But you know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

To all my readers I would like to share what I said that made them take Evie away.(Oh and if you are offended by anything I post about Tarzan for now on I say too bad for you. I don't care. He told me he loved me and was committed. Well he lied and Evie is not rightfully his cuz guess what everybody he didn't marry me!)
 So back to what I was saying, I said I wanted to put her up for adoption. But let me explain why I said it. I got up every morning when to work, came home to a mess and a dead beat guy who did nothing but play video games and watch Evie. I then had to cook and clean, then take Evie so Tarzan could go to his 1 night class. By the time he got home I had to go to bed so I could get up and do it all again. He refused to get a job of any sort or help out anymore. In his eyes he was watching Evie and didn't have to work.So I broke and I wanted Evie to have a better life. Is that so wrong? So the one person I was trying to get Evie away from now has her. Is that messed up or what? I know right, now do you see. But some day Evie will be back and all mine. No I will not keep her from her dad but as soon as she grows up and sees what a disappointment he is she will know how I feel. Believe me, I know, I still can find no love in my heart for my own dad today. A mother's and baby's bond to one another is the strongest bond. Tarzan will never break it no matter how much he tries.